I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
