Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
