At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize