Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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