well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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