C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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