So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
