Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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