I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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