we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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