Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I died a long time ago.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I smell like Dick and happiness
Drunk is a universal language darling
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
