I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
