So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
