he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
