I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
