what day is it and did you see me today?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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