I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
