i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ugly people sure do ruin things
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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