I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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