Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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