I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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