Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
