i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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