just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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