Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
