she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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