I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
