Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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