smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
