sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
