Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
