You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
