No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
