3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
