she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
