what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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