I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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