i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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