Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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