He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
