Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
