He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
