Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
