Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
