Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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