Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
