I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
