You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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