I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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