Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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