I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
