wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
