Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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