you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
