So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Randomize
