Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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