why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
