so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
