He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize