Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Someone signed my nipple.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
