Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
