i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
