girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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