so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
