Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
