so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
