I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
