i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
