I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
