last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
