my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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