We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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