before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
