Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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