Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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