Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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