With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
