So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So here I am, sexting at work.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
