I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
