I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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